Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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