I didn't shave. On purpose
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
