I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
