is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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