Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
