I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
