we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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