Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
