I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
