yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
