I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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