i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
