Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
