She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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