listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
