yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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