that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Someone came in the potted fern
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
