ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
