Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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