i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
