I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize