I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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