4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Alive.
So much puke
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
