The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just high enough for therapy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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