I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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