Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
