I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
