addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
two words...techno handjob
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
