I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
