chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
