i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
