12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
