When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if only i could text you this smell
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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