Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
