What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
