Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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