last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
