Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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