How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
