So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
