i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
