I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize