You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband