I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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