I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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