my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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