Having a random hookup so left but love u
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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