O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
