so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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