Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
