It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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