two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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