just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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