Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
