Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
