Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
