So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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