Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
