Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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