put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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