They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
