im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
