everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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