the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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