YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
