Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
