I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
