don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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