maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
