I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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