we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
