He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
