im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
