I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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