She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
