and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I would ride that face into the sunset
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
