they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
