no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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