He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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