thus making me awesome and them whores
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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