Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
