OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
