I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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