She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
