The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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