They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
