1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
