i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
