It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
