Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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