Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
