How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
