I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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